Posted by: episystechpubs | July 19, 2022

Editor’s Corner: Limerick Contest Winners and Their Submissions

Dear readers,

I would like to announce the winners of the limerick contest today! Linda Washington, Nathan Allen, and Daniel Isaman—congratulations! Your gifts are Bill Bryson’s Book of Troublesome Words, Spunk & Bite, and the Devil’s Dictionary, respectively.

Jolie and Keith, you both won the haiku contest and Keith you bowed out of winning this time (as people will see in your limerick) but you both sent me a great selection of limericks so I’m sending you each a very small book guaranteed to make you laugh, El Arroyo’s Mini Books of Signs.

Now for the winners. The runners up will see their works of art next time!

Linda Washington

I really don’t like migrations gone wrong

To get through I break out in song

It’s the hours and hours

Of troubleshooting, my mood sours

Makes us wait so very long

I really like growing things

Oh, the joy it brings

Puppies, flowers, babies

Vegetables, all of these

Just make me smile, my heart sings

Nathan Allen

For my job on a regular basis

I grab strings from unstructured datas

The quick way to parse text

Is to run it through RegEx

So I end every sentence with two spaces

In my quest to be right with my wife

I have created a difficult life

Please don’t be a fool

That’s not the correct tool

I guess you can turn a screw with a knife

I wanted my secrets secure

So embarrassment I wouldn’t endure

MFA isn’t hard

For your data to guard

Now I can feign being demure

Daniel Isaman

Half a Dozen Roses

Amelio got his girl roses

Frugality’s all that he knowses

But with stems on the floor

(‘Cause the petals cost more)

She punctured her wee little toeses

The Butcher

There once was a butcher from Crete

For critters he never lost sleep

He’d slaughter a sow

And saw on a cow

But cutting an onion, he’d weep

Harry Potter

There once was a boy who lived…

With relatives he wanted to ditch

So when Hagrid came

Harry proudly exclaimed,

“Well, I’ll be a son of a witch!”

And my tried-and-true contestants, Jolie and Keith.

Jolie

Oh, the limerick game is on!

And the battle lines have been drawn.

Strain our brains til it hurts

And the words come in spurts

And over the best we will fawn!

I ponder the vacuum of time

While trying to find words that rhyme.

I see my work piling up,

And scornful looks from the pup,

But I’m pursuing the sublime!

Writing limericks isn’t work.

It is my real job that I shirk.

I puzzle it out

Til there’s something to tout

Then lapse to driving the boss berserk.

The dog, not amused by the limericks,

Resorted to sharing his doggy tricks.

Rolled over, and sat,

Shook hands, chased a cat.

Then tried to convince me to throw his sticks!

The limerick contest is done,

And Kara announced who has won.

Daniel, Linda, Nathan and Keith,

Me too (by the skin of my teeth).

Practicing now for next year’s fun!

Keith Slayton

Another EC challenge for which I have ability

Limericks do seem to fit me, to a T

I’ll send my works in

But It’s time for others to win

So I remove myself from eligibility.

My poor dog hates the 4th of July

I open the door he says, “You funny guy!”

He won’t go outside knowing

That boomers and bangers are going

In the morning, he’ll relieve his supply.

I say our language is tough, since

Our money is dollars and cents.

You can wear your favorite scents

Check your email for “sents”

See, English just doesn’t make sense!

I have a bad feeling deep down

Could it be the beef jerky I found?

It was under my seat

During the bad summer heat

Oh! My stomach just made a bad sound!

Mother Nature tends to show crass

Complain and you’ll feel her sass

Humidity goes high

You get sweat in your eye

She can be a real pain in the rear

For haikus, people’s minds can duck it

But for limericks, minds tend towards Nantucket

You said keep it PG

That is not so easy

For that reason, many say, “Forget about it.”

Kara Church

Pronouns: she/her

Technical Editor, Advisory

Editor’s Corner Archives: https://episystechpubs.com/


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