Posted by: Jack Henry | March 28, 2017

Editor’s Corner: Spelling

Good morning, folks! My dear, dachshund-loving friend Ron left the following article on my desk. I couldn’t resist sharing it with you, because it’s written by Richard Lederer, our local verbivore, and it’s about spelling and banks. It has something for everyone here at JHA! I’ve cut a few things out, but if you’d like to read it in its entirety, you can see it here.

This Thursday, the Union-Tribune will hold its annual countywide spelling bee. On the model of the collectively busy bee, we call these events spelling bees. In 19th-century America a bee indicated a community effort in which neighbors pitched in, often to help out a family. Examples include chopping bee, husking bee, logging bee, quilting bee, house- or barn-raising bee, sewing bee, spinning bee and, ultimately, spelling bee.

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Corpus Christi Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote, “This iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he could reach the teller window. So he left Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmised from his spelling errors that he was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. She told the would-be robber that she could not accept his stick-up note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to the Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “Okay,” left the bank and headed back across the street. The Wells Fargo teller then called the police, who arrested the man a few minutes later as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.

Another bank robber in Bumpis, Tennessee, handed a teller the following note: “This is a rubbery. I have an oozy traned on your but. Dump the munny in a sack, this one. No die pakkets or other triks or I will tare you a new naval. No kwarters with red stuff on them, too.” The teller started laughing, and the man fled the bank in embarrassment and with no booty.

In both instances, we note the relationship between bad spelling and incompetent commission of a felony. Educationist Dr. Creon V. B. Smyk says such notes are, lamentably, the rule. “Right across the board, we see poor pre-writing skills, problems with omissions, tense, agreement, spelling and clarity,” he laments.

Here’s more evidence that a spell of bad English has afflicted our great nation:

· If a tree falls in the dessert, does it make a sound?

· In Pittsburgh they manufacture iron and steal.

· East Texas Cable Company: Please bare with us while we are working to improve service.

· On Thanksgiving morning we could smell the foul cooking.

· Vestal virgins were pure and chased.

· Marital Arts Studio

· You are invited to Sally Curtis’s retirement party. No gifts, just the honor of your presents.

Jack and Schnitzel help Ron collect newspaper articles and badgers to share with all of us!

Kara Church

Technical Editor, Advisory

Symitar Documentation Services

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