Posted by: episystechpubs | June 25, 2014

Editor’s Corner: Funnies from the original verbivore

Today I have a fun little break for you from one of our local celebrities, Richard Lederer. The following article is from Saturday, June 21 in the San Diego Union Tribune:

Because language is naturally playful, we human beings love to make jokes about words. Here, in order of length, are a dozen of my favorite verbal tour de farces:

• Bad spellers of the world, untie! [KC – I’ve seen this also as “Dyslexics of the world, untie!”]

• Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.

• The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary.

• Have you heard about the cat who ate some cheese, breathed into a mouse hole and waited with baited breath?

• Have you heard about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night tossing and turning, wondering if there was a dog.

• The AP style guide is now accepting over in place of more than. A number of grammar purists have riposted, “More than my dead body!”

• I am fluent in French, Russian, Italian, thousand island, vinaigrette, ranch, gorgonzola, balsamic, green goddess and honey mustard. I also speak Esperanto like a native.

• My girlfriend texted me: “Your adorable.” I replied: “No, YOU’RE adorable.” Now she’s crazy about me — and I haven’t the heart to tell her that I was just pointing out her typo.

• Those who strive to impugn the reputation of the former governor of Alaska and Republican candidate for vice president are out to HARASS SARAH. That’s not just a palindrome. It’s a Palin drome!

• Saint Peter hears a knocking at the gates of Heaven and calls out, “Who’s there?”

“It is I,” a voice responds.

“Good,” says Saint Peter. “That must be another English teacher.”

• My wife was in labor with our first child. Things were going pretty well when suddenly she began shouting, “Can’t! Don’t! Won’t! Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t!”

“Doctor, what’s wrong with my wife?” I cried.

“It’s perfectly normal,” he assured me. “She’s having contractions.”

• A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. “In English,” he proclaimed, “a double negative forms a positive. In some languages though, such as Russian and Spanish, a double negative is still a negative.”

“However,” he pointed out, “there is no language in which a double positive can form a negative.”

A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”

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