Posted by: Jack Henry | May 3, 2018

Editor’s Corner: Similes

“A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.”

Today I’m snagging another topic from the list of jokes I sent the other day. Our discussion today revolves around similes…no, not smiles, but similes.

A simile is a figure of speech comparing two unlike things. You will often see similes used with the words “like” or “as,” as you probably learned in school. For example, “Her eyes were like the ocean—stormy and gray.” Or, “He was as strong as an ox.”

Here are some examples of bad similes from a contest in the Washington Post:

  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree. (Jack Bross, Chevy Chase)
  • The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can. (Wayne Goode, Madison, Ala.)
  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
  • She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open. (Rich Murphy, Fairfax Station)
  • She was clever all right, like a woman who is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as having the world’s highest IQ and whose last name just happens to be "Savant." Yeah, maybe too clever by half. (Joseph Romm, Washington)
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy!" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30. (Roy Ashley, Washington)
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Kara Church

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